You've done a good job on the backgrounds. Sometimes they can look a little empty, however, especially since these places are described as being filled with people. Not depicting people against backgrounds isn't unique to you, however - other visual novels do this, too, and it isn't really a problem.
The girl's art is well-drawn and cute!
It's clear that your English needs to be significantly improved, and your sentences sometimes don't start with the proper capitalization.
(For example, "You just getting up in the morning." should be "You're just getting up in the morning." or "You start getting up in the morning." and "you looking at the alarm clock." should be "You look at the alarm clock." or "You're looking at the alarm clock", with the "Y" capitalized at the beginning of the sentence. Also, "You decide walking to school." should be "You decide to walk to school.")
As I said, the girl looks cute! However, she lacks different facial expressions.
Her pose is also a little stiff, which is a good way to represent her emotional state (anxiety) through her body language. :)
However, if she were to ever NOT be anxious, she would need a less stiff pose. Therefore, in the future, if you end up with a character who changes their emotional state a lot, but can only manage one pose for them, I would suggest giving that character a more natural-looking pose, which would work fairly well with multiple emotions, rather than only looking right with one specific emotion.
Also, dissolves could be used a little more - the girl is sometimes shown and hidden without any transitions, which tends to look abrupt.
You seem to have a fairly strong understanding of variables and how they can effect your scenes.
All in all, a good attempt. Your backgrounds look quite strong, her sprite looks good, you seem to have a fair grasp on Ren'Py - even allowing the reader to set the name of the main character, at the beginning. Mostly, I would just say to work on your English skills.
Don't worry, you'll get better. People get better the more they read, speak, listen, and write.
The story itself was simple but sweet, and it would be nice to see the two characters grow closer together.
I hope this was helpful :) No offence was meant by this, I'm just trying to help.
Thank you for your feedback. I'm not a native speaker, and I haven't practiced English enough. I am making this game while studying, and I practice drawing and coding at the same time. I don't have much time to focus on everything. I think that the hardest part of making a game alone.
← Return to game
Comments
Log in with itch.io to leave a comment.
I'll try to give you good feedback, here. :)
You've done a good job on the backgrounds. Sometimes they can look a little empty, however, especially since these places are described as being filled with people. Not depicting people against backgrounds isn't unique to you, however - other visual novels do this, too, and it isn't really a problem.
The girl's art is well-drawn and cute!
It's clear that your English needs to be significantly improved, and your sentences sometimes don't start with the proper capitalization.
(For example, "You just getting up in the morning." should be "You're just getting up in the morning." or "You start getting up in the morning." and "you looking at the alarm clock." should be "You look at the alarm clock." or "You're looking at the alarm clock", with the "Y" capitalized at the beginning of the sentence. Also, "You decide walking to school." should be "You decide to walk to school.")
As I said, the girl looks cute! However, she lacks different facial expressions.
Her pose is also a little stiff, which is a good way to represent her emotional state (anxiety) through her body language. :)
However, if she were to ever NOT be anxious, she would need a less stiff pose. Therefore, in the future, if you end up with a character who changes their emotional state a lot, but can only manage one pose for them, I would suggest giving that character a more natural-looking pose, which would work fairly well with multiple emotions, rather than only looking right with one specific emotion.
Also, dissolves could be used a little more - the girl is sometimes shown and hidden without any transitions, which tends to look abrupt.
You seem to have a fairly strong understanding of variables and how they can effect your scenes.
All in all, a good attempt. Your backgrounds look quite strong, her sprite looks good, you seem to have a fair grasp on Ren'Py - even allowing the reader to set the name of the main character, at the beginning. Mostly, I would just say to work on your English skills.
Don't worry, you'll get better. People get better the more they read, speak, listen, and write.
The story itself was simple but sweet, and it would be nice to see the two characters grow closer together.
I hope this was helpful :) No offence was meant by this, I'm just trying to help.
Take care on your journey!
Thank you for your feedback. I'm not a native speaker, and I haven't practiced English enough. I am making this game while studying, and I practice drawing and coding at the same time. I don't have much time to focus on everything. I think that the hardest part of making a game alone.